The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the Skull

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings immense significance and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:

A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).

B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are brought in to extremely difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus check my site to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, love, closeness, and well-being .

When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely wouldn't confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay men especially in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sex. Many gay men wish to learn from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".

North adds, "I presume this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full explanation attention to your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!

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